What's been bothering me

I posted this just as a rant on Facebook the other night.  It got some great reactions!

For those of you who aren't friends with me, you can click HERE to be taken to the post.  You can comment, like, share, or even disagree.

BUT, Please take a moment to read it.  If you don't want to shoot me a friend request, I understand.  I hope that it just makes you think for a moment and hopefully compells you to think a little differently and maybe be a little bit more open minded.  Thank you for reading :)

And, if you don't want to send me a friend request to read it, you can just read the text below

So, a few things have been jumbling around my head the past few days.

1. I wish the holidays (minus the freezing weather) happened year round. I've given more in the past 2 weeks out of my wallet than I think I did all year long. I emptied my coin jar, coin pouch in my car (probably $45 worth in change alone), donated about 15 lbs of canned goods, and countless bills into the Salvation Army red cans in front of Raleys. Something about the holidays just gets me to really think about the rest of the world.

2. Ashley Nicole Ingram shared these sentiments today: Tim Tebow is RAKED across the coals for sharing his faith on national television. He's a believer in his God. He's passionate about it. He talks the talk and walks the walk. He's a missionary. He goes overseas and helps out those who are less fortunate. When I see all of you Tebow Critics get off FB and off the couch and help like he has, then I'll listen. Until then, please keep your ignorant comments to yourself! (the holiday spirit is upon me, but it won't keep me from culling ignorant and bigoted people from my friends. It's not about numbers, it's about relationships here).

3. Those of you who keep spouting that gay marraige should never be allowed should read this following statement... It's cynical, funny, and true all at the same time... "What is the #1 cause of divorce??? Marraige". How is it that two men or two women who love each other cannot be married yet a man and woman who HATE each other can remain married? Defeats the purpose no? And those who say Marriage is sacred really need to wake up. Let's take the plank out of our own eye for a moment mmk? They aren't trying to hold you down and force you to be gay. They just want to live their own lifestyle. AND I can hear this being said already "I just don't want to hear about it." Well, I don't want to read your drama about baby dady on FB all damn day. I don't want to hear about how stupid your husband is or how stupid your employer is. Isn't that the same thing??? Me thinks so. You force me to listen to your drama ALL.DAY.LONG. It clogs my feed so that's all I see is just negativity. Guess what? That's about to leave my FB. This is what I tell people all day long when they say "Justin, I don't want to read about gay marraige anymore". Then stop reading whatever book or magazine you're reading. Stop watching the TV that talks about it all day long. If you don't want to hear, read, or see it, Close your eyes and ears because obviously your mind is already too narrow to see anything else.

That's it for my rant. Feel free to comment, for everyone DOES have an opinion. Everyone does come from different backgrounds. But, for the LOVE OF GOD if you have an opinion, PLEASE make sure it doesn't come off sounding like a 3 year old monkey with dyslexia and tourettes. Ignorant comments are NOT welcome!






The Nice Guy

The lesson in death (even though it blows nuts)

Actually, the lesson seriously blows a big ol donkey dick.  There's no other way to put it.

I'd rather still have one of my childhood friends around and NOT learn the lesson than vice versa.

The story:  October 19th, 2011, a very good friend named Jessie passed away.  Leaving a wife and a 1 1/2 year old son behind.  It was an unfortunate and tragic accident that left many of us asking "Why God WHY?!?!"

And over the past three weeks, I've kept asking that question.  I've started to doubt my faith (which has only happened 4 times in my life), I've stopped asking God WHY, and just stopped the conversation.  I didn't want to talk with God OR know the reason why.  I wasn't ready to hear the lesson or even accept it...  Until yesterday after Jessie's memorial.

At the memorial, I ran into many people I haven't spoken to since high school.  10+ years and I thought that leaving all those people behind was a good thing.  Well....  Kinda.  I would say for every 40 people I saw who I wanted to see again, I saw 1 I didn't.  All in all, about 7 people from school who I could care less about and the rest who I was happy to see again.  Even though the circumstance made the meeting bittersweet.

Yesterday, I shed a lot of tears.  I hugged many friends who I hadn't seen in a long time.  I took down countless phone numbers of people who I had lost touch with.  And then....  The stories about Jessie started flowing, the laughter became louder, and the memories came rushing back.

And then My phone vibrated telling me someone had commented on my question:  Struggling a little bit with faith 2 day. why does god grant miracles for some and not for others?  My cousin Heidi responded with this:
Heidi Keen Hazelwood: Favor ain't Fair. Those that are called to be with the Lord are favored. Remember "weeping may endure for the night but joy cometh in the morning"(Psalm 30:5) be strong and stay encouraged-all prayers are answered in God's way-not our own. Hugs


Here are some other responses I got yesterday:


even if the lesson is just to hug more often and tell people each day you love them, there is a lesson, I swear.


there's a lesson in everything, even the really, really, really bad :( Some day we can look back and say, I was stronger because of this and my faith grew. Tits up kid, love ya!


We only get to see the present. Fortunately, He knows (and holds) the future. The miracle ur praying for may inhibit His future plans...it sucks but is also just His way of allowing us to NOT carry the burden, but let Him do it!

SO, what did I learn?  What was the lesson?  How does this all make sense?  in school, Jessie was my defender.  He stood up for me, he stood up for the underdogs.  He was willing to put his neck on the line to make sure someone else was safe.  He was also very well known for helping people get to know each other....  some of my dearest friends from high school came about because of Jessie.

In Jessie's last gift to the world, his organs were donated to people who needed them to continue living.  In Jessie's death, many others could live.  In Jessie's death, he was able to give the ultimate gift.  He gave life to at least 7 other people.  In his death, I was able to find friends who I had lost touch with.  I was able to talk to people I never thought I would talk to again.  Even after Jessie had left this world, he was still working his magic.

The pain of losing him still hurts.  The pain of knowing the loved ones he left behind hurts.  But I know he's in a better place.  I know it wasn't our will, but it was God's will (that sentence is still hard to accept, but I do).  He brought us all back together, he helped some of us get rid of the animosity that was once there.  He helped us realize that tomorrow is a new day and we should take advantage to hug, kiss, and love on the people we care about.  No one ever died of giving one extra hug or kiss or "I love you".  

SO, let's make sure we don't waste that opportunity and realize that tomorrow is never guaranteed.

The Killing of the Bullies

Shit. I've started it. It's been nagging at me for a while. It's been nagging at me for nearly 20 years. The assholes in my life who have bullied me. The ones who no matter how much time goes by, I still can't shake the anger and rage that wells up when I think about it.

I should be asleep in bed with my wife right now. I should be catching some z's because tomorrow is going to be a long day of work. Instead, I've been trying for the past 12 hours to write this post. This is the final version... Let's just say I've worn out Ctrl+A and delete today.

So, here goes. Want to know what goes through the mind of someone that's been bullied? Want to know why I strive every day to be a nice guy and stand up for the underdogs? Here's why:

Have you ever spent the first month of school being so nervous about bullies that you spend the first hour of the morning throwing up because you are so full of fear?

Have you ever felt as if no matter how hard you try to just blend, you still stick out like a sore thumb with a sign saying "Hurt me badly please?!"

Have you ever really had a wedgie so bad that your butt bled? I'm not talking about a little blood... I'm talking about being afraid of going to the ER because you can't get it to stop?

Have you ever been in the high school pool with the bully and pretend you have to shit for an entire hour because you know if you get into the pool, they're going to put you under until you actually think you are going to die?

Have you thought of 3,472,573,927,875 ways of killing your bully because that's far better than thinking about the pain you feel? And once you thought of every possible way of killing them, you then feel such guilt because now your own rage, anger, and violence that you want to direct towards someone is what you've been enduring?

Have you ever felt as if a supervisor purposefully sought you out just to pick on you?

Yep, here goes with my role call of bullies that should have had the shit beaten out of them repeatedly. Following everything they did to make my life hell. The people in high school I left the names out. The worthless supervisors in the Navy... Maybe their employers will find this and question the integrity of their employees....

Junior High School:

J.H. While this grade a Asshole never put his hands on me, him and his cohort P made sure that their words stung more than anything. Penzoil... That was the nickname gifted to me by these two. Why? I had pimples.. LOTS of them. I had oily skin. The joke? Hey JD, if you sold all the oil on your face to Penzoil, you'd be a millionaire! The one time I tried to stand up to P was on the weekend. I had gone to my school to go rollerblading. I just wanted to have some time to skate around on a nice blacktop that was smooth and envision being like the olympic skater Olav Koss. That dream was quickly taken away as P chased me around the blacktop with a belt and kept hitting me until I fell. I tried to defend myself but apparently her BIG brother was playing basketball. I.O. took it upon himself to come over and "defend" little sister. You know the "back breaker drop" that pro wrestlers do? I lost count at around 7 or 8 times being dropped on his knee. I laid there in my own pee and cried until they all left and I could limp home barefoot since they saw fit to take my rollerblades with them. Thankfully no one was home, I could take a shower, throw away the soiled clothes, and lick my wounds in silence. Sadly, most people who are bullied all go home and suffer silently. Trying to hide the shame they feel for not being able to stand up for themselves. We suffer silently asking God WHY? Why can't I fit in? Why do they continue to torture me?

High School:

R.P. and J.H., and the countless (worthless) wannabe gang bangers and their piece of shit girlfriends

Yes, these Grade A assholes were the ones who threw apples at me (IN CLASS), shoved me off the bleachers, tried repeatedly to drown me in the pool, gave me wedgies that again left my butt bleeding profusely. The ones that would pick on me in class and the worthless teachers who just shrugged it off. Yes Coach Johnson, I'm looking at you.

The worthless gang bangers who thought wearing red made them suddenly god's gift to the world and also gave them the right to torment every timid white boy who crossed their path. The ones who would throw rocks at me when I wasn't looking. That's why I started wearing baseball hats. They lessened the pain of a golf ball sized rock pelting me in the head.

This whole time of experiencing pain and humiliation grew and grew. Shit, I wish I could say that the bullying stopped at high school.

I joined the Navy. I wanted to serve my country. Too bad the military is full of roided out washed up football players who now have a chip on their shoulder. Or think of the people who were discriminated against in the early 80's and 90's. Three people come to mind who made me hate the Navy and wish they would fall overboard. BM1 Richard Blanding. This guy had to be the piss poorest example of a leader I've seen in the Navy. I guess because he was hazed and picked on by white guys when he first joined, it was his turn to return the favor. Guess who got the shittiest jobs on the ship? Yep, this poor timid white boy. Enter Chief Warrant Officer Ezell. He's the best example of reverse racism I've ever seen. He had his little pride and joy Seaman Hamilton. One day, Hamilton told me to "get the fuck out of my way" and I replied "Fuck off asshole". The next morning at Muster, CWO Ezell called me out in front of the whole department. He suspended my liberty for the entire visit to Bahrain and made me stand double watches each day. And then my final nemesis on the USS Cleveland.... Chief Warrant Officer Eugene Schlotterbeck. This guy was a flat out douche bag. He found every reason to torment me. He called me a fat ass, "Cantgetright", worthless excuse for a sailor. He did the same thing that Blanding did. He made me do the shittiest of jobs, work the longest hours, and endure the verbal onslaught day in and day out.

Those are the people that made my life hell. They are the ones who have shown me that the only way I can be is nice. I never got the chance to get revenge on them. I still want revenge. I've tried to shake the anger and rage that built up from the 6th grade on. It goes away most of the time. But then there are times like today (this post actually started last night), in which I can't shake it. I highly doubt the bullies remember any of these events. But I do. They are all scars on my heart and mind that weigh heavily every time the topic of bullies comes up. The shame I felt after one particularly bad experience with R.P. in which I drove home, grabbed a wooden baseball bat, drove back to school with every intention of finding him and bashing in his knees and ending whatever chances of playing football he had. How shameful I felt as I sat in my car and cried for the duration of 4th period, lunch, 5th period, and 6th period. nearly 4 hours I sat in my car. One minute enraged at the injustice. The next moment cloaked in self loathing that I had nearly stooped to his level. Going back and forth in the worst game of dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde I'd ever experienced.

Thankfully, I chose not to assault R.P.

Thankfully, I've learned that the only way to stop someone from being bullied is to stand up and do something. I fact, I now make it a point to stop whatever I'm doing when witnessing bullying in action and do it in a swift and powerful manner. I may get my ass handed to me while doing it. But I know that if someone just once would have stood up for me, I may have found the ability to stand up for myself.

And Thankfully, because of the pain I endured, I will emphasize being a kind, loving, and gentle Man to my son. I will ensure that he knows it is completely unacceptable to bully someone. I will expect him to be a gentleman. He will be Chivalrous, he will be kind, he will be loving, and he will stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves. He will befriend those who just need a friend. Simply, He's just another Nice Guy in training.

American Chopper is a detriment to fatherhood

I've been an avid fan and watcher of American Chopper since its inception over 5 years ago. I was fascinated with the imaginative bikes they created, intrigued by the dynamic of the father son relationship, and overall trainwreck that I saw on a weekly basis.

I started watching the show before I was a dad. And now that my son is almost 3 1/2 years old, I have a newfound appreciation to fatherhood. I've also had A LOT of time to reflect on my childhood and how my father interacted with me.

Last night I watched my final episode of American Chopper. The show now consists of 5% bike building and 95% Sr. and his cronies talking shit about Jr. All I see is Sr bad mouthing his sons on national television. All I see is the people working at OCC badmouthing Jr. and Sr. not only agreeing with those people, but adding onto what they are saying.

I understand father son relationships can be hard. I understand that there will be disagreements. I understand that sometimes a father and son will butt heads. However, the constant trashing of his sons on national television finally drove me over the edge last night. I just couldn't take it anymore.

All during the show I kept thinking to both my childhood and my adult life as a Dad. I thought about my first marraige and how my dad said he wouldn't come to my wedding because my grandma and aunt (his mom and sister) would be there. They had a falling out the previous year and so he refused to come to the wedding. He flat out said "I won't come because your aunt and grandma will be there". I asked "For your one and only son Dad? You won't come to the wedding?". His simple one word answer ended up being the most hurtful response he'd ever give me: "NO". I hung up and didn't talk to him for nearly 6 years.

Well, the first marriage didn't work out. That's fine. It wasn't meant to be.

Then, in 2006 I met the beautiful woman I'm married to now. They say the second shot at something is always better. Well, this second shot is wonderful and I'm loving every second being married to my wife and having three kids. BUT, the second wedding was coming up and I called my dad to invite him. Mind you, the wedding was in March. no hot weather, not hurricane like rains... just great weather. He can't handle the hot weather so I figured it would be no problem for him to come to it. But then again, that's what I get for figuring my dad would actually care.

His excuse this time for not coming? I can't make the drive. my rebuttal: Dad, I'll pay for your plane ticket. it's a 45 minute flight. Nope, no can do was the response. It's been nearly a year since I last talked to my dad and the wedding was 5 1/2 years ago. I tried making the relationship work over the phone and even driving up a couple times and visiting. It just didn't work out. I couldn't give anymore to the one way relationship between my father and I. Him being the parent should give 150% to the father son relationship. but I was always the one putting in the effort and getting nothing back.

SO, Siyonara American Chopper. So long Paul Sr. Because of your douchebag ways and pride, the relationship with your sons will never be a good one. You'll always have to be #1 and make sure you have the last word.

Here's the deal: Dads out there... It's not about being #1 or having the last word. It's not about being right or perfect. It's about being a Dad. It's about caring for your kids and setting aside your pride and petty differences and being there for your kids. Regardless of what their faith, personality, sexual orientation, or interests are. You love your kids, you don't say mean or hurtful things to them or about them. You love them 100%.

My son asked me a few weeks ago for a pink car. I couldn't find one at walmart but I've been looking online for the perfect pink car for him. I love him regardless of wanting a camo humvee or a pink mazda miata. I will love him whether he wants to be in gymnastics or wants to play football. I will love him if he wants to play the Clarinet or dance Ballet. I'll love him until my very last breath on this earth and nothing will ever change that. I'll never say a hurtful word to him and I'll help him as best as I can for him to realize his dreams. Why? Because that's what a real man and a real dad does.

Discovery Channel: Maybe instead of making a show that demonstrates a cruel hurtful relationship, you can find a father and son duo who love each other unconditionally and work together harmoniously. Make a show that doesn't have all the drama but all the love and successes of a father son relationship. When you do that, I'll come back to your channel.

Tell me, what do you wish your mom or dad had done for you that they never did?

The Nice Guy

Where were you? What did you think?

This is another post that will be part Nice Guy part Sailor. I apologize if any foul language offends anyone.

Right now I'm a heinz 51 mix of emotions. Humble one moment, angry the next. Somber now, and ten minutes from now, seeing red and wanting vengeance. Last night motivated, this morning, holding back.

Let me bring you back ten years ago this evening. I was on the USS Cleveland returning from a 6 month deployment to the Persian Gulf. The sun had set, we were 4 days from arriving home to our friends and family, and in an overall very happy mood. The movie Pearl Harbor had just been released and we had the chance to watch it. We called it Movie at Sea. We opened the Hangar Bay on the flight deck, put up a huge white sheet, and watched movies. I sat with my mom and enjoyed the movie. I was appreciative that my mom was able to share being out at sea on a US Naval Warship with her only son. It was a beautiful evening in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

That was 12 hours before our Captain told us about the Attacks. It was the last peaceful/non war time freedom I had.

on the morning of September 11th, 2001, We were set to have an awards ceremony at 0800. Our Captain was always early. He was a great Commanding Officer. He took care of our crew. He wasn't this hoity toity officer who made people wait because he was the boss. He was the kind of officer that made sure his crew was happy. He was the kind who never kept us waiting just because he felt like it.

SO, on that morning, 0800 came and went.... 0830 came and went. Somewhere around 0840, the captain came on the 1MC (Ships loudspeaker). "Cleveland...." This was the first sign of something wrong. Whenever he spoke to the ship, he was always chipper and ALWAYS Said "Good Morning or Good Afternoon or Good evening"... Instead we got "Cleveland.... The awards ceremony will be cancelled this morning. There has been a terrorist attack in New York. I don't have many details right now, but the news is playing on the Mess Decks. Please make your way there. We're most likely going to get the most relevant information there in real time than what I'll get from my chain of command."

My initial reaction? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!?.... I walked to the Mess Decks and watched in horror as I saw two planes fly into the Twin Towers. I saw the people jumping to their deaths. I saw friends who had family back in NY go white in the face and try to reach their family. They had no luck since most of the phones were over capacity. I watched them worry themselves grey. They were in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and had NO WAY to know if their family was ok.

I watched the mood of the ship go from disbelief, to shock, to horror, to complete anger. As much as we wanted to go home to our families, at that point, there was only one thing that every sailor on that ship wanted.... They wanted the blood of the extremist radical pieces of shit spilled in every country that they belonged to. They wanted to inflict the most cruel, harmful, inhumane damage possible to those who caused this tragedy. I went from being the laid back, nice california guy to someone who couldn't wait to get behind my .50 cal Machine gun and make sure someone was on the receiving end of my fury.

I didn't care if there would be collateral damage. I wanted the whole god damn middle east turned into a glass parking lot. I wanted the radical fucks to be tortured until they shit themselves. I wanted them to endure so much pain that they would denounce their god and burn in hell. I wanted nothing more than to find one of them, throw them in a pig pen and have their bodies defiled by the swine in the pen with them. after that I wanted to find every last one of them, cut their eyelids out, and MAKE them watch naked women walk around. I WANTED them to know that their "Heaven" that they so desperately wanted was now wretched out of their possession. I wanted them to feel an ounce of the pain that over 3000 families felt that day.

Do I still feel that way? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I DO! But now, I want them to feel the pain that over 10,000 familes feel every day. If you're here after reading my Bio on twitter, Yes, James 3 is my favorite book in the bible. YES, I do believe in forgiveness. But even now ten years later, I cannot forgive those who inflicted so much pain, loss, and fear into our nation. Even with OBL killed, Even with Saddam killed, I don't feel a sense of relief or retribution. I can only hope that their "GOD" is a false god and they do spend eternity in a lake of fire. I hope that their 40 virgins are Madelin Albright, Nancy Pelosi, and Hillary Clinton. Hell, I hope one of the other virgins is Strom Thurman while we're at it.

Is this post WAY out of the norm on this blog? Yes. Do I apologize for the way I feel? NO.

For the following three years after 9/11, I was in a constant state of alertness. I was in a constant state of not knowing if another attack would happen. I was in a constant state of feeling as if the last time I saw my family would be when I went home on leave. I was in a constant state of anger because our country didn't deserve this. I was in a constant state of sorrow for the familes that lost loved ones. and over the past ten years, I've constantly thought of every family who loses a soldier, sailor, and airman because of the war that was a result of 9/11.

Yesterday morning, one of my friends on FB shared this audio clip. To say that the anger I felt ten years ago welled back up within me would be an understatement. Now All I wish for is that countries that still harbor terrorists would be turned into a big glass parking lot, Donald trump buys it, turns it into a big whorehouse with a moat filled with pigs.

I tried to swallow all these feelings over the past week. But I just can't anymore. I've already heard too many times "Why do we have to care about what happened ten years ago?" I was only in junior high when that happened, I don't care." and the absolute most ignorant statement I've heard this week: "I think that spending a day remembering 9/11 is a waste and an interruption to football". Really???? To those people I say this... The only reason why I don't beat the ever loving dog shit out of you right now is because it's illegal. even then, it's almost worth it.

Lets hope an pray that an event like 9/11 doesn't happen again, and we don't have a memorial for such an atrocious event like this in our future.

Signed

The cranky, angry, sailor (but still Nice Guy)

why 9/11/11 has an ever increasing role in America

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This is a warning for those with sensitive ears and eyes. I'm not writing today as the "Nice Guy". I'm writing as the Navy Veteran who served during Iraqi Freedom and Enduring Freedom. If you are easily offended.. you might still want to read on. If you are proud to be an American, share this post with everyone you can. I hope this might wake people up just a little bit.

We're still 8 days away from the ten year mark of 9/11/2001. I don't think it should be called an Anniversary per se because ten years ago our nation experienced the most horrendous attacks our nation has ever seen.

As with other national holidays, Memorial Day, Veterans day, and 9/11, people take it more of off from work than realizing those who made the day off possible. I'm the kind of man who isn't ashamed to cry openly when I hear the National Anthem, God Bless the USA, and Taps. Every year for the past 11 years, on those days I weep openly, genuinely, and with a heavy heart. and Sadly every year I end up back at home with my blood boiling.

Why? Because for each person I hear say "God Bless our troops", I hear "WOOHOO Let's go get drunk!". I often hear it from ignorant college students who have no idea what it takes to make these holidays possible. OR, I hear it from adults who should know better but don't know or don't care. When I hear people talk like this or god forbid they choose to protest at a cemetary, all I want to do is walk over to them and punch them in the face.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs right in their face "Men and Women have died for the past 200 years for your right to be fucking stupid and disrespectful. I fought for 4 years for your right to "freedom of speech". I spent holidays away from my family, friends, and loved ones. There are families now who have an empty chair permanently at their table for the rest of their lives. All for your right to party hard or protest against them."

So on 9/11/2011, 11/11/11 (Veterans Day), and Memorial Day, please listen to me when I say this... IF you don't understand WHY we have these holidays, don't appreciate WHY we have these holidays, don't understand WHO gave up their life for these holidays, don't know the families of those who gave everything to have these holidays, or just DON'T care WHY we have these holidays, do me this favor: Pack your shit, pack your family, and get the FUCK out of my country. If you won't stand behind our troops, PLEASE OH PLEASE, Stand in front of them so you take the bullet or IED hit... not them. IF you appreciate the freedom of speech but don't appreciate that freedom, do one of two things; Shut your damn mouth or MOVE to a country other than ours.

Remember, living in this country is a right. Not a privilege. If you live in this great nation, then stand up, take off your hat, cover your heart and say the pledge of Allegiance, sing the national anthem, and be QUIET when you hear Taps. This isn't the United States of America and mexico and canada and europe and asia. When you live here, there is but ONE flag you pledge allegiance to. It's the flag that drapes over every casket of every american who has given their life for this country. If you want to fly a different flag, take it to the country it came from because it doesn't belong here.

Bottom line.... If you get the benefits of living in this great nation, show some damn appreciation for it or get the fuck out of our country.

Sincerely,

The Nice Guy/ Navy Veteran 2000-2004

#peopleofwalmart UGH

Have you ever watched the show "What would you do?" Hosted by John Quinones on ABC?

Today, I found myself in a situation just like one of their scenarios.

I had to run to Walmart to pick up a few items for the house. I should have turned around when I first walked in realizing it was the 1st and it would be PACKED full of people who were cranky and in their pajamas at 2 in the afternoon.

Instead, I trudged on and got 6 of the 7 items I needed. Then I headed towards the health and beauty section to get some shaving cream. That's when the trouble started. from at least 50 ft away, I hear this lady yelling at her child. Saying things that would make a sailor blush. The little girl was maybe 7 or 8 years old.

I slow down and watch and listen. The gist I got was that the little girl needed to go to the bathroom and kept asking her mom to take her there. Apparently, the mom was more interested in finding the right shampoo and conditioner for her hair than listen to her kid complain that she needed to pee. Well, I guess the mom took too long and the little girl wet herself.

This is when the mom had an full on nuclear explosion. She mad her daughter get out of the cart and starting yelling for everyone to hear "Look at this kid... She chose to pee her pants in the middle of the store. I think everyone should come and look and make fun of her. Maybe she won't do it again next time!"

Right at that moment the little girl looked up at me through miles and miles of tears. expecting more and more people to look at her with judgemental eyes and receive more ridicule from the people that were congregating. In that moment, I thought about every single time people made fun of me in school and the kid who was bullied who is now and adult decided to stand up for the underdog.

I walked over to the mom and politely said "Ma'am, can I talk to you for a second?" she responded... well, shouted "WHAT, Do you think I'm a bad mom for doing this?" I replied "Your daughter had been asking you to take her to the bathroom and you chose not to. I have a three year old. when he says he needs to pee, I take him right then and there. You see how much you are hurting your daughter right now? She's balling her eyes out and is probably feeling about the size of an ant. Please, for her sake knock it off, take her to the bathroom to clean up, and apologize"

Apparently, what she heard was "You're a douchebag who doesn't deserve to be a parent"... well... That's what I was THINKING. She started yelling at me, then back at her daughter more about how she was so embarrassed because of her daughter now. How she would be "handled by papa when they got home", and how she was going to go buy her diapers since she wasn't grown up enough to wear underwear anymore.

This is when I had enough. I told the lady I was going to stand between her and her daughter until a manager had come over to talk to the lady and that she needed to not talk to her daughter anymore until either the manager, cops, or CPS showed up. So as I'm waiting for a manager to show up, other ADULTS start coming over to ME and saying "dude, mind your own business" and "This isn't your fight or your child, leave it alone".

I was dumbfounded. How could OTHER adults allow this to happen? Is it easier for them to ignore it and say "Glad it's not me"? Is it easier for them to just blame it on the child and say "Mom must just be stressed and her daughter drove her over the edge?

At this point, I knew it was a battle I was going to lose. Too many jaded adults who sided with Mom and not the child. I was able to back the mom away enough and then turn around and squat down and tell the little girl "I hope you are ok. IF this is the normal way of life at your house, tell a teacher at school. You don't deserve what your mommy is doing. God Loves you, I've never met you before and I care about you. Tell your teachers so they can help you ok?"

God I've never felt so helpless before. What more could I have done? Called CPS myself? Called the cops?

I felt that childs' pain to the core of my soul. I quickly grabbed my cart and checked out all the while choking back years' worth of tears for the pain I felt when I was bullied by classmates. I went to my car and sat there for a while and just cried and prayed for that little girl.

I remembered reading a chapter in the book "Real Dad Rules" by Dan Pearce. It was called "Real Dads speak softly and with kind words". I thought about his post "Congratulations, you just broke your child".

I thought about Dan while all this was happening. I took away from this that not just Real Dads, but REAL PARENTS don't berate their children. Real parents don't make their kids feel insignificant. Real parents LOVE their kids and shower them with kindness and compassion.

I'm still struggling with myself over whether I should have stayed and called the cops or CPS. Should I have stood by that little girls' side and risked her safety to stand up to her mom (and eventually "Papa")? I'll wrestle with this trouble for a while to come. Go hug your kids, Go show them you love them more than anything in the world. Tell them you love them. Kiss them in public (that's a good kind of embarrassment), lif t them up and help them be the best they can be.

I'm off to shower my son with love.

The Nice Guy